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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23258452">Try Loving Me Like Before</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/FearTheRaven/pseuds/FearTheRaven'>FearTheRaven</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Firebringer - Team StarKid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>??? - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Feels, F/F, Fluff, I Don't Even Know, Not Beta Read, Polyamory, Probably ooc, i forgot to add</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 06:00:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,191</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23258452</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/FearTheRaven/pseuds/FearTheRaven</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Zazzalil walks in on her girlfriend and her best friend. Kissing. This called for (A) yelling at them and then (B) running away to deal with feelings because she did NOT want to deal with them there. Sadly, Jemilla and Keeri aren't prepared to let her deal with her feelings alone.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jemilla/Keeri/Zazzalil (Firebringer), Jemilla/Zazzalil (Firebringer)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Try Loving Me Like Before</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello. There are a few of these Jemilla/Keeri/Zazzalil fics floating around already, but I thought there needed to be another one. Some nice fluff at the end (I think?) and some nice angst in the middle... and the start (maybe?).</p><p>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Zazzalil was silent in the bathroom as Keeri and Jemilla stood outside of the door, the two taller girls alternating between apologizing (Keeri) and threatening to safely but furiously beat the door down (Jemilla). She didn’t want either to happen. She just wanted to attempt to process complex emotions she’d repressed a literal age ago before repressing them once again and claiming she was fine. It had worked before and it would work again, right? Right?</p><p>“Zazz, I’m really sorry okay?” Keeri’s voice echoed through the painted door, locked with the flimsy ‘occupied/empty’ slide lock but further barricaded with the bathroom’s only chair.</p><p>“Forget that. Zazzalil, open the door! We need to discuss this like adults!” Jemilla exclaimed, accompanied by a banging on the wood and a yelp from Keeri. “Oh, my duck, sorry babe! Zazzalil, get out here so I can stop maiming Keeri!”</p><p>Babe. Zazzalil shook her head and heavily dropped it back against the white tiled wall next to the toilet. The wall was cold, but not as cold as Jemilla had been to her. The immense shock when she had walked in on her girlfriend – or maybe her ex now – with her best friend pushed up against the wall, both parties kissing the other fiercely… It was a sucker-punch to the gut which, after having yelled at them, sent her up to the bathroom to vomit. Speaking of vomiting…</p><p>Another wave of nausea washed over Zazzalil in a sickly uncomfortable wave. She thanked her lucky stars that the toilet was right next to her while any of her pizza lunch still left in her stomach was ejected as she caved against her body’s whims. She didn’t want to see pizza this way ever again.</p><p>From outside the door Keeri and Jemilla were making desperate, concerned noises, which might have been the worst thing about the whole situation. How could they still care about her when they’d gone and done… that. Gotten together in a way which would only harm Zazzalil in every way, shape and form. Zazzalil had been nothing but kind to Keeri and faithful as a dog to Jemilla while their relationship had lasted.</p><p>The last of Zazzalil’s retching subsided with a newly sore throat and uncomfortable feeling in her stomach, but she was able to pull herself away from the toilet bowl and let the tears roll down her face. She was seventy percent the tears were caused by throwing up, but you could never be too sure. Maybe she had thrown up her repressed emotions as well.</p><p>She had been really into Keeri once… and sort of still was. The bouncy, blonde girl was like a puppy and so sweet. She was a good kisser too, once the two of them accepted the fact they were attracted to one another after a very awkward seven minutes in heaven and copious alcohol. They had sustained a strange ‘we’re intimate but we’re friends’ sort of relationship after that. It was mostly cuddling on couches and small pecks on the cheek dotted with an occasional make-out session, but it was something.</p><p>That was before the disastrous truth and dare game which evolved into a rigged meta-game of seven minutes in heaven with Jemilla. That itself had turned into a serious commitment with the brunette. Oh, the holy duck, had Keeri seemed perfect while they had lasted.</p><p>But then there was Jemilla. Serious about literally everything in their lives, kind and compassionate but commanding all at the same time. She was cool and composed, a serene river of calm strength juxtaposed with Zazzalil’s fiery personality. Her lips were soft and sweet, much like that first kiss in the cupboard at Emberly and Grunt’s house.</p><p>Zazzalil remembered it all. Being led gently into the carpeted space by the taller girl, whose intoxicating perfume smelt like a lazy spring day and was making her feel drowsy. Watching the sliding door slip shut, Keeri gave her a thumbs up from outside. Gulping once, she turned to look at Jemilla before the girl swiftly flipped Zazzalil around and pushed her against the back wall.</p><p>“I really like you.” The girl’s eyes jumped down to Zazzalil’s mouth and back to her wide eyes. Then, with a smirk at the blush rising in Zazzalil’s cheeks, “Can I kiss you?”</p><p>“Uh… yeah, I’m into it.” Zazzalil had tried to say confidently, instead stammering with the shock of it all. She was then cut off by a hand on the side of her face, followed by the softest of kisses. It lasted for maybe five seconds before Jemilla had pulled away and smiled glowingly, her eyes sparkling with some newfound energy.</p><p>“I’ve been waiting for so long to do that.” She said, tucking a stray hair behind Zazzalil’s ear before the shorter girl initiated their next kiss. That one lasted longer, and had they been allowed to be locked together in the closet for more than seven minutes, sweet kisses would have been far behind them in terms of intimacy.</p><p>Their relationship had been perfect since that moment. Jemilla moved in with Zazzalil and Keeri, and Zazzalil repressed any and all non-platonic feelings for her blonde friend. It was fine from there. Sure, there were a few times she had seen Keeri and was reminded of those sweet nothings in bed after a hard day, but those ideas were shot down before they could fly. In retrospect, Zazzalil could think about how maybe Jemilla was also having relations with Keeri at that time. Hell, when Keeri gave a thumbs up before the seven minutes in heaven kiss, was she really directing it to Jemilla, giving her blessing to kiss the smaller girl?</p><p>It was all so confusing that it made her head hurt. Zazzalil sat and let the tears run down her face, leaning heavily against the toilet bowl. It was numbingly cold, the type which drained all heat away from you and left behind a frozen, shaking shell. Sort of what Jemilla and Keeri had done to her – but she wouldn’t let that affect her anymore.</p><p>She steeled herself and got up. Golden afternoon sunlight spread through the bathroom windows. This would pass, but the afternoon and good use of her time would not. She was going to be fine. She would go downstairs and go outside, maybe play with the next-door neighbour’s cat, Snarl. She hated that bastard ginger demon animal, but it would be better than staying indoors. Anything would be.</p><p>Zazzalil padded slowly over the cold tiles, before pulling the chair away from the door and the undoing the lock. She took a deep breath and squeezed her eyes shut for a second. Then, she turned the doorknob and pulled open the barrier between her and betrayed relationships.</p><p>Jemilla and Keeri both jumped with a start from where they were sitting opposite the bathroom door, quietly whispering things to each other. A blush arose on Keeri’s cheeks. Jemilla looked from Keeri to Zazzalil, who stood still in the open doorway. The curly haired brunette cleared her throat.</p><p>Keeri went to speak up. “Zazz, I know how this looks but we,” she motioned to herself and her compatriot, “can explain.”</p><p>Zazzalil took one look at the two and burst into tears.</p><p>Everything, from the betrayal to the feelings she had kept for Keeri while her heart lay in Jemilla’s hands, bubbled up into full on sobs that rocked her body. The way her heart throbbed in her chest and the lump in her throat hurt as she tried to hold the cries back. Zazzalil didn’t want them to see her like this, so she hurriedly made her way to the flight of stairs, managing to move down to the carpeted landing before it was physically too hard to keep going.</p><p>She sank to the floor, first to her knees but then shifting and pulling her legs to her chest, where she could bury her face in her arms in peace. It was an emotional purge of everything she’d kept in her – sure, Jemilla had been intimate with other people, but Zazzalil had said that she didn’t give a toss about bees, but now they were dying and they were the biggest blessing to the world. And the climate was screwed, and people around the world were hungry and some people didn’t get education, and… and…</p><p>Footsteps down the stairs foreshadowed cheating, betraying housemates who stopped before Zazzalil and gingerly sat to her sides. She could tell because of the slight dip in the carpet and the knees which knocked into her own. This wasn’t even mentioning the smells… Pine scent and Keeri’s fruity fragrance on her left, sage and clover with Jemilla on her right.</p><p>“Oh, Zazz.” Someone’s heartbroken voice cooed sadly, and then there were arms around her. They were soft and warm. Zazzalil didn’t care whose body she was pulled against and rocked back and forth, all she needed was something to ground her when everything was going wrong. Maybe she was wrong, but she felt another body pressed against her. For now, it didn’t matter.</p><p>It was like that for a little, just her and the warm bodies that were leant up to her, before Zazzalil remembered her ex-girlfriend and ex-best-friend who were attached to those bodies. She immediately pushed away from the two, gazing through tear blurred eyes to the surprised brunette and blonde.</p><p>“You cheated on me,” Zazzalil hissed between shuddered breaths to Jemilla, “with my best friend.”</p><p>“It’s not like that Zazzalil, I promise you-” Jemilla explained, but was cut off.</p><p>“Then tell me what it is then!” Zazzalil shouted indignantly, putting her hands to her head and tormentedly dragging her fingers through her hair, “Tell me how this is so different that it’s okay!”</p><p>“Zazz, maybe you need to calm down. Jemilla still loves you.”</p><p>Zazzalil turned to Keeri, the blonde’s reproachful eyes set complacently upon the spitfire of a person Zazzalil was while angry.</p><p>“Really. Does she really!? From what I’ve seen maybe kissing you, <em>my best friend</em> is better!” Zazzalil yelled, rounding on the blonde. “I seem to be second best here, to the point where she’s turned to shacking up with other people and didn’t have the guts to tell me about it!” She was stopped by a hand on her arm, whipping around to Jemilla but jerking her arm away and snarling “Don’t touch me!”</p><p>“ZAZZALIL!” Jemilla yelled once, sternly with frustration and conjuring a stunned silence, “I still love you. With all my heart and soul…” she hesitated and looked to the blonde on Zazzalil’s right, exchanging a look and taking a deep breath before looking directly into the shortest girl’s eyes, “… and so does Keeri.”</p><p>The anger drained away and Zazzalil was silent for a second, processing just what had been said. Keeri still loved her. Jemilla still loved her. But they had been together… When she looked into their eyes, both seemed genuine and slightly brimming with tears. Then, in confusion, “What?”</p><p>“I love you Zazz, I love you so, so, much.” Keeri explained, putting out a hand to Jemilla, who clasped it before the two moved in tandem to face Zazzalil. “And I love Jemilla so, so, much too.”</p><p>Zazzalil looked from one girl to another, bathed in the warm afternoon light.</p><p>“I’d do anything for you,” Jemilla said, entwining a hand with Keeri, “and I’d do the same for Keeri.”</p><p>Something new and wonderful was happening, Zazzalil was sure of it, but she couldn’t quite catch what it was. There was a fuzzy feeling growing in her stomach though. She hoped it wasn’t nausea.</p><p>“So… you love Jemilla?” Zazzalil asked Keeri.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“But you also love me.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“And I love Keeri,” Jemilla put in, before holding out her unoccupied hand to Zazzalil, “but I also love you. You love me, right?”</p><p>The heartbeat rose in Zazzalil’s head as a rushing feeling spread over her. It was like the air was suddenly thinner, and every motion she made had a strange deliberate vibe to it. Maybe this was what a stroke felt like.</p><p>She clasped Jemilla’s hand, interwinding her fingers through her girlfriend’s. “Yeah, I love you.”</p><p>Keeri held out her hand. “And you wanna try loving me like before?”</p><p>Zazzalil inhaled, hoping to still her spinning head. It was hard to believe that she thought that these two women wanted to hurt her emotionally before. It seemed impossible that they were cause of the tear tracks drying on her cheeks (that and the bees, but they were another matter entirely to be cried over with two girlfriends in bed in the future). She knew that this was a big decision, one which would start something bigger than just her.</p><p>Zazzalil grabbed Keeri’s hand.</p><p>“Yeah,” there was a lump in her throat, and her voice quivered despite the certainty she had over this decision, “You two both love each-other, you two both love me and I love both you two.”</p><p>She allowed herself to burst into tears once again, knowing she’d get comfort from her girlfriend and her… other girlfriend? Yeah. Her other girlfriend... yeah.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My name is Fear and Firebringer deserves more content. Comments are appreciated! Constructive criticism only please. I'm new, so please be kind? Thank you, and have a nice day!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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